Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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