Someone shit on the floor
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
