Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
