What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
