Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
