his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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