I CAN MOONWALK!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
