Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we're making bets on your personal life
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
