her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
