My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
