My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
