I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
