just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
