why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
