i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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