YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
