oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just cut my nipple shaving
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
