Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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