I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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