There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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