i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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