remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
