toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
