forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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