Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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