I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
