obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
