i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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