bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
