The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
