I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
