So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
