After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
