he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
