I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
