why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
