I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
