i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Small penises have feelings too.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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