I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
