He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
