She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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