You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
