I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she looked like the before picture.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
