Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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