I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
