Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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