she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
