literally had 100 drinks last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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