I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
