her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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