Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How does one acquire holy water?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
