If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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