dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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