I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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