last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
