3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
