she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
